Tuesday, May 7, 2013

A Free and Ready Favor

"That that which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond.  To Him.  To the God whom we endlessly crave."
One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp

I've struggled to find goodness; in fact, there are days when none can be found.  I've sought to find color amidst the grayness of my sorrow, only to resolve that somedays color simply does not exist.  My heart has heaved and hurt.  The pressure of my sorrow has ached so deeply that pieces of my heart seem to have crumbled into a mess in the hollow of my soul.  And there I have sat with the crumblings, sorting through it all, sifting it numbly between my fingers.

Grace means favor--a free and ready favor.  I was given grace. And Grace.  And yet, at times I have felt that no favor has been extended to me, but rather a sacrifice has been required.   While sacrifice and favor do not seem the most inherently companionable, being that a sacrifice is a surrendering of something or someone, a forfeiture, a relinquishment, and favor is a kindness performed or a privilege--a token of love; somehow they have proven a compatible tag-team.

First came the sorrow, the sadness, the sacrifice.

Then came the grace, my Grace, my free and ready favor.

Through Grace, and because of her my soul has been torn open.  I have wanted to stitch it up tightly, bandage it and protect it.  But I haven't known how--divinity, perhaps.  Instead I have found myself sorting and sifting, overlooking the dark and vast valley of sadness and sorrow, tempted to dive in headfirst.  But it is through my sorrow, through the un-bandaged, un-repaired tear in my soul that I've instead caught blinding glimpses of that heart-aching beauty beyond.  I am led to my God, to His glory, His grace..His Grace.

God's free and ready favor to love and restore has been the result of the relinquishment, the forfeiture.  He offers the promise of life beyond, where within lies color, life, and vibrance in abundance.  Promise.  Hope.  Beauty.

No comments:

Post a Comment